It’s been a while since I wrote a blog. Although nobody’s commented or asked me where my posts are, I decided I’d give the select few followers that do still read, a blog post to read. A lot has happened since my last writing. After 12 years of switching schools, switching majors, stopping school altogether, heartaches, losses, life experiences, even a life changing accident (that I was lucky enough to survive)…I AM A COLLEGE GRADUATE! I completed my final semester at Southern NH University this past December, and my degree was officially complete as of January of this year. I graduate “officially” on April 30th, and look forward to celebrating with people from different periods of my life in May.
To so many, a college degree is just a piece of paper. An expensive piece of paper. Growing up, I never even gave a thought to going to college until I had promised my dad I would go to school for Theology, as we both sensed this was the area I was meant to serve, although in what capacity at the time I didn’t know, since women do not have many options as far as full-time ministry in the church I was brought up in. I dreamed big after he passed, looking at Catholic colleges. I received an early scholarship to Sacred Heart in CT my Junior year, under the agreement that I would bowl on their collegiate team. However, my dad’s health was quickly deteriorating and I knew college would always be available, but my father would not always be here, so I turned the scholarship down. To say he was mad at me would be an understatement, but he eventually accepted that I chose family over education. Being left in the power of my mother, aka “the warden”, left me powerless and lost. She did not support my decision to study theology, or anything for that matter, at all, and discouraged me altogether from thinking of college at any level. I eventually talked her into starting at the community college, during a time where I thought I was called to be a teacher. That quickly became obvious that although I was gifted, it wasn’t for me. This morphed into nursing, then journalism, criminal justice, Secondary Education-English… all of these majors I had interest in, but did not feel like the right fit, although I did take experiences and friendships from each area I studied. Upon my mother’s illness, and working with her as she was preparing to leave this world, I mustered enough strength and courage to apply on my own for a degree in Theology. She finally saw a glimpse of the fact that this was where I was gifted, and I believe she passed accepting that I was capable of more than she gave me credit for.
A devasting diagnosis that ended my chances of being a mother, and a medical perspective on other areas of my personal life that I was struggling with, opened me up to insults and judgements by the priest at the church I was a member of, who basically said I was a failure in God’s eyes and the eyes of the church because I could not carry a child. He also went on to say that the child I did have, my precious daughter Delanie, held no value in the eyes of the church, as miscarried children “are sick and were destined to pass before birth.” Other things were said as well, which left me questioning who God really was, and what part of the bible I had missed that agreed with his words. I could not even enter a Catholic church anymore, without immediately feeling like I did not belong, that I didn’t measure up to what I was supposed to be. I embarked on my own journey, landing myself at Tower Hill, and choosing to rededicate myself to Christ and serving his people. I was baptized, and this summer I have the blessing of baptizing someone I consider a best friend. I do not need to mention her by name, as that is not important. What is important is the power of God, and the power of forgiveness, as this person not that long ago, was no longer in my life. I struggled with this fact for a long time, finally surrendering our broken friendship to God, saying and trusting, that if it was meant to be, God would reconnect us….and He did.
And in July, the same month I turn 35, and baptize my best friend in Christ, who brought us back together, I will embark on my Master’s journey, through my #1 choice of the many schools I looked at. I got in to all three schools I applied to, and ultimately chose my number one choice. I’ll finally be on my way to fulfilling God’s call for my life—and dedicating the rest of my time on this earth to rescuing souls and leading them home to their Shepherd, Jesus Christ. A call I knew—and my father knew—long before I ever thought it could be possible.
To every one of my family members, and even some friends, who believed I would never finish college, who believed I’d search endlessly in circles of changing majors—You were wrong. I did it. I also made the honor roll my final term AND maintained an A while recovering from a major incident.
To those of you rolling your eyes at the mention of me going to school again for my Master’s, who may feel “she won’t finish that”—HOLD MY BIBLE….and WATCH ME.
To those of you who disagree with my decision of Ministry—for whatever reason. I ask of you, to simply keep your negative thoughts to yourself. Perhaps allow your mind and heart to witness what the Holy Spirit can do. Attend a talk or service I may preach at in the future, see how God has worked in my friend’s life and led her to a new life in Christ. Listen to the stories at my graduation party, of the people whose lives I’ve touched, in small and large ways. This is not through my power alone—But the Holy Spirit, who moves within me, and has chosen me to minister to others, just as that same spirit has called you to your respective vocations in nursing, teaching, administration, law, medicine, married life, parenthood, and even religious life. The Spirit calls each of us, and places us where we are needed. If only we open our minds and hearts and ALLOW him to move.
Amanda's Musings 