Many of you noticed my new profile photo on Facebook, some knew this event was planning to take place, while others may have been surprised to see that I was baptized….again. Yes, I am aware I was baptized as a baby into the Catholic faith, and I know that that baptism was still valid. My church did not force or expect me to be baptized in order to attend their church. But I chose to. Why? To recommit myself. To rededicate my life to God, and serving Jesus through ministering to his lost souls.
Some of you may wonder why I “switched” to Tower Hill in the first place. If you don’t know that story by now, or at least a basic piece of it, then perhaps you need to reevaluate the last time we had a decent conversation as friends…because what I went through with my former church is no longer a secret. And also, after being hit by a truck, which happens to be a year ago today, and surviving that accident with “only” a broken leg, and no other injuries or permanent nerve damage to the leg, I felt I should do something. That accident could have gone a lot different. It SHOULD have gone a lot different—-even the ER doctor told me he has never seen someone literally get ran over by a truck, and not have nerve damage or lose the leg altogether, let alone not have other injuries, like a shoulder or facial/head injury. I had none of these- my only injury was my broken leg, which in itself healed faster than most, allowing me to return to work after only 3 weeks. God let me live. He saved me from that accident because he knew I had a deeper mission to fulfill. And after recovering in a very difficult and toxic situation, he blessed me with an amazing woman I call “mom”, whose prayers (along with those of friends, I’m sure) pulled me out of that dangerous house, and into my own little castle in the city. My life has changed, so much, in the past year. But the biggest event happened Sunday—when I entered the waters of baptism, of my own choosing (which, if you look at every event in the bible involving baptism, the person being baptized CHOOSES to commit their life to Christ, of their own free will, and DESIRES baptism.)
Prior to the baptism portion of our service, something amazing happened. The Holy Spirit completely took over the service. What was supposed to be a typical Sunday service followed by my baptism, turned into a healing service with music, as the pastor sensed the Holy Spirit wanting to heal and pray for people there. At one point, the pastor said the Holy Spirit was revealing that someone in the room had a calling from God. A calling to ministry, that they have been putting off and ignoring for a long time, out of fear. The more he spoke, the more I felt the Spirit tugging on my heart. This was me. Could it have fit someone else in the room? Of course it could. But, it spoke to me as well. So I claimed it. I accepted my mission. A mission that has been growing on my heart a lot after the past few months. Others have seen it, others say they can see me in this role, Janice even smiled when I shared what I was planning on doing, and said, you probably don’t remember, but a long time ago, when you were probably just in Middle School, I told you you’d be great as a chaplain. That’s all you could do then, since you were Catholic, but I can totally see you as a Pastor, or in some form of ministry. While many friends have echoed these words, as I’ve slowly began sharing my plans for the future, hearing it from Janice meant a lot, as I’ve always looked up to her in my life. But Sunday—-I accepted the call “publicly”. I stood up and gave a testimony of how after surviving an accident I very well could have died in, I have chosen to dedicate the rest of my life to serving him, and helping others to find him. I was reborn in the Waters of Christ, and it was a glorious, sunny day. I had friends, and cousins, and of course, “mom” around me to witness the event. It felt absolutely amazing and freeing. I left the guilt of my daughter’s death behind. I left the pain, and guilt, and condemnation I felt from the church I grew up in behind, and most importantly, I left “dipshit” behind. (In fact, I mentally put an anchor on top of that one so she most definitely would not resurface attached to me any longer!)
And now, I begin again. Will I still miss my daughter? of course. So if you thought me being baptized would erase her from my memory, you stand wrong. I will still speak of her, just as a mother speaks of her living children. The only difference is my child lives in heaven, but she is 100% still my daughter, and most likely the only one I will have (again, giving God control, but also accepting that at least for now, she is all I will have). Will I have bad days? Of course, we all do. But, this minister’s heart is ready to serve. I’ve already been given some “assignments”, through helping people in my life through different things. Janice, Cathy and Jackie will need the ministry of love and compassion as they grieve people in their lives that they have recently lost. Nancy feels ready to take her first baby steps towards a relationship with Jesus. Jane is at the crossroads where she begins to wonder “what is beyond this world”, and has started to show interest in learning or at least discussing “the bigger picture”. Nanette has a medical diagnosis and needs a listening ear, and someone to pray for her, even though she herself is not on speaking terms with God at the moment. New co-workers need a friendly face to welcome them, and help them learn things. Clients need a friendly face with a compassionate heart who will treat them with respect and not judge them.
I am available, Jesus. Send me. I don’t care what it looks like, or how difficult the service may be…your minister has held back long enough. I say yes. I am here. I am ready to serve the souls you send to me, rather or not I know them personally. The broken, the lost, those hungering and thirsting for more than just material food, but deeply yearning for….YOU. Even if they don’t realize it, Lord, they want you. I accept my mission. Proudly, gratefully, and with all the love and desire I have within me. I am ready. Ready to serve. Ready to love people to life. Ready to help people find life in you. To comfort, to console, to bind, and to heal, in your name, with your Grace. I am your hands, your feet, your heart, in a broken world. Filled with broken people. Send me into the battlefield of this wounded world, and guide me as I tend to the wounded, broken, and even the “dead”, even if they are still living in the flesh, their hearts may be dead from grief, loss, abuse and many other miserable and tragic events in their lives. This minister’s heart is ready to begin her tour of duty. Let it begin, through me, and spread one soul at a time.
Amanda's Musings 