RTS: Approval Not Needed

Some of my readers have been in my life for many years—-they remember the old me.  I had an addiction—–not an addiction you’ve heard of in the news.  Not a substance, or a liquid.  Not even a Gambling or a Sexual addiction.  My addiction……was approval.  I was an approval addict and a door mat.  I did everything everyone told me.  If I had a dream to be a Substance Abuse Counselor, but a respected family member told me not to follow it—–I backed down and chose something else.  Even something as little as choosing a Patron saint for Confirmation was a battle that I surrendered, instead of fighting for the name I wanted, or felt drawn to.  I could sit here and list out reasons why I was like this—-because I was taught to be quiet and respectful, because this, because that.  But the bottom line is I chose to stay addicted to everyone’s opinions.  I let them degrade me, depress me, and run my life.  And as I’ve grown, so much in the past few months, I’ve realized just how much I’ve missed out on, just how much I’m behind—–simply because I wanted to be “OK” in someone’s eyes.  I wanted them to like me, to love me, to believe in me—so I followed their advice.

Well——-those days are OVER.  I am no longer going to be anybody’s door mat.  From now on, the only person who’s opinion matters to me (besides my own) is GOD.  If I am following what HE wants for my life, then I am doing everything the way it’s supposed to be.  I’m not going to wallow in how far behind in life I am, instead I’m going to take each day as it comes, and try to take back what’s missing—–getting my license, getting a car, setting the apartment up the way I want it, getting my Substance Abuse Counselors license and start helping those who need help the most.  I have found my voice, and I have found a space in my heart where I actually can believe in myself, without leaning on the opinion or approval of anybody.  Especially the losers that I am sadly related to, who know who they are.  And just in case you’re reading this (highly doubtful)…..here’s a few words for you:

1. There is more to life than marriage—–just because I’m not married, or even dating, does not give you the right to assume my social life is a failure and therefore I must suffer from a learning disability, and will not mount to anything.  I live m life according to GOD’s direction….not man’s.  I will not burn in hell if marriage is not in God’s plan for me.  Whenever God says no, I know he has something better.  And that is all I want for my life, what HE wants.
2. I am not materialistic like the rest of you are—-as long as I can live safely and comfortably, have a stable mode of transportation and a stable job—-I have all I will ever need.
3. You have crossed the line.  I am a very forgiving and loving person….but you have crossed the line.  I HAVE forgiven you, but I am also permanently shutting and LOCKING the door.  You have burnt the bridge between us.  I have done absolutely nothing wrong.  I was not even included in this “family decision” to remove mother from the place she called home for 14 years.  I find out one of you has called me “unfit” to care for her, and that I ABUSED her?????  And you all choose to end communication with me? FOR WHAT?  What did I do to deserve being shunned from the Pepin family party?  From text messages, phone calls, and even something as simple as a Christmas card?  I felt horrible for a while.  I felt like I had done something wrong—–but I DID NOTHING.  YOU did it.  All I have to say to you is——ARE YOU HAPPY?   Does it make you feel good, to know that you’ve lost a niece, that you will miss out on the wonderful woman I am becoming?  The successful woman, who got a huge job promotion in just 6 months, all on her own?  I hope you feel absolutely amazed with yourselves, because I can hardly wait until it’s time for you to meet our creator—-you will pay for this.  I will always love you, because love is of God.  BUT—-the door is closed.  Only you can open it again.

Starting today—-nobody’s approval do I need to succeed but God’s.  The guilty people who have hurt me, knocked me down and defiled my name—-will pay.  This is my independence day——I am no longer held down by the shackles of approval.  And to those of you who have stood by me, been there through ALL of this…..I thank you.  I’m glad you will get to watch me blossom into the free, “sober” woman that God intended me to be.